


False Satisfaction

by m_k_ch



Series: Unsaid Apologies [1]
Category: 91 Days (Anime)
Genre: Angst... maybe, Guilt, M/M, Spoilers for Episode 10, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8123572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_k_ch/pseuds/m_k_ch
Summary: He stayed with him for three months, but he should have reminded himself that Avilio loved someone far longer than him.He also wonders if Avilio ever loved him at all.





	

The way he brushes his thumb over the dark circles of his eyes felt more foreign than ever before.

Avilio’s eyes don’t look at him the way they used to, feeling as if they were far away, so far away even if they were so close and touching. Breaths hitting each other’s mouths and dry, cracked lips smoothing over repeatedly didn’t feel as great as it did before.

Nero holds Avilio with that vague sense of guilt, hidden by his pride he always masked himself with. Avilio’s arms tremble, his fingers shakily gripping the hem of Nero’s shirt as he quietly ground against him, swallowing his whimpers and his eyes closing as his face scrunches up.

Nero thinks that maybe they are both too tired for this, but Avilio doesn’t persist and continues to give him what he wants and shudder at the touches Nero gives him, yet Nero feels as if he’s holding back.

That vague sense of guilt, and that irking, back-of-his-throat jealousy as he groans when Avilio kisses him harder.

Avilio is with him, right now, but Nero can feel the turmoil from the heat of Avilio’s skin. Nero was the one who made Avilio kill the only family he has, perhaps the only one he has left at all, even if Nero is right here, right now, arms wrapped around Avilio’s torso as he pushes up.

Avilio doesn’t moan, but Nero hears the smallest grunt from trying to keep himself silent.

“Avilio,” Nero whispers. Avilio doesn’t react, and Nero pleads.

“Avilio, look at me,” he moans as Avilio rakes his fingers on Nero’s back, his black hair brushing his shoulder slightly. “Please.”

Avilio slowly looks at him and his eyes are out of its focal point, being here but not here at all.

“Don’t hold back. No one can hear us.”

Nero thinks a small, light joke could at least make Avilio feel at least better, but what can he hope when it was Nero, the one that made Avilio prove terrible, heavy loyalty to Nero’s heart?

(Maybe it’s his body instead, but Nero pushes that thought away, only to be replaced about the fact that maybe Avilio never loved him at all, and it’s Corteo he always loved and not him.)

Avilio stares at him with those dead eyes and Nero’s stomach turned in on itself, eating away the guilt Avilio had felt when he killed his best friend— his original lover.

Nero pushes against him harder and he heard it— “N-nero…”

His name is quiet on his tongue, and Nero felt that Avilio’s guilt is higher than Nero’s, as if it’s supposed to be Corteo’s name he’s supposed to be saying and not his.

Nero doesn’t know if it’s anger that he feels, or it’s that gravely envious twist of his heart. But it was originally his fault, anyway, right?

But sex isn’t supposed to be this painful to bear, when he and Avilio had done this multiple times and Avilio hadn’t failed to say his name when Nero touches him that strikes pleasure. Even if he had met him only three months ago, he should have reminded himself that there was someone Avilio loved longer than him.

(And that he’s dead.)

But Avilio, as Nero thought, was almost like an empty shell. He had nothing to live for, having no purpose until he met him.

Nero thinks, what will Avilio be, now that Corteo is dead?

Avilio’s eyes spring open as his mouth is agape, rutting down faster on Nero. His thighs tense around Nero’s hips, his hands gripping his back and Nero could feel the pending bruises, and Nero thinks yes, just hurt me, Avilio. Bruise me the way I had bruised you.

He tightens around Nero and Avilio moans a little louder and Nero felt some of his guilt wash away because he didn’t hold himself back, even just for a little bit.

His face is obscene as he comes, staining both him and Avilio’s torsos with his orgasm. Nero continues to fuck him, relishing that scene in front of him and looped Avilio’s moans in his head even if it didn’t feel real.

Nero pulls away and pumps himself through his own high, Avilio’s eyes lifelessly watching him come even if he’s holding him, panting from what Nero has done to him. Avilio looks tired, but he didn’t look like he just had sex with his supposed “lover” but rather staying up all night in bed, insomnia taking over him.

Just like his lifeless eyes, Nero only quietly and numbly put Avilio to bed and cleaned both themselves up. Nero took off their sweaty clothes and Avilio doesn’t even protest, letting Nero do all the work and Nero is quite thankful because he doesn’t want anything else. No confrontations, no talks, no anything. He’s tired, too, from the sex and his own thoughts and his gnawing guilt and he just wants to rest.

Nero rolls up their dirtied clothes and looks back at Avilio, his eyes slowly closing with his breaths soon calming itself down.

While Nero always loved the idea of having to sleep beside Avilio, right now felt terribly wrong.

At this time Nero had exposed himself to the truth of his love, that as much as he sinfully stained Avilio and continuously kissed him softly many, many times, Avilio never felt the same.

Because Avilio has lost everything, and now that Nero had taken that last bit of life off of Avilio, Avilio will never feel that way to Nero.

Loving him back is impossible now. Avilio is always going to continue to love someone else and not Nero.

Nero was numb, but not as numb as Avilio is.

He quietly laughs at himself, watching Avilio’s descend to his slumber. His body is so still, just like he is when he’s awake. Does he always brace himself like this?

Nero settles down next to Avilio and pulls up the blankets, enveloping themselves both with the temporary warmth to hide such cold feelings.

Nero is tired, but he’s not willing to sleep, and just watches Avilio with the soft, orange light the room only had.

Avilio breathes softly and his eyes finally rest and Nero is grateful he can’t see those lifeless eyes again. He didn’t want to feel the guilt again, though he would always feel at the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that.

Everything is quiet but it wasn’t until Avilio silently moans in his sleep and Nero smiles.

He does it again and Nero notices he’s saying something, and that perhaps he’s dreaming.

For the third time he says it more vividly, and the guilt tortures him harder as he hears it from the unconscious and smiling Avilio.

Avilio says a name, and it’s not Nero’s.

**Author's Note:**

> washing dishes + own thoughts = this thing


End file.
